Adam and Eve, along with their children, are the experts in Marriage and Parenting. Their teachings will be thrilling to sit under and glean from their unparalleled tutelage. Until such a time we simply share a bit of information helpful to all.
Men want to be honored.
Men would rather feel alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Being loved is very fulfilling for men but when appreciation is missing the relationship is hollow, even disingenuous from their point of view.
Men are apprehensive.
Despite their ‘in-control’ exteriors, men feel like they are imposters, and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered. Be lovingly patient and low-key if/when an “inadequacy” is recognized or discussed.
Men want to be a mainstay.
If a woman personally earned enough money to support the entire household it would make no difference to the mental burden he feels to provide. He is a hunter-gatherer. Finding a way to recognize and value this nature will show you are aware it is important.
Men want more physical intimacy.
Your sexual desire for your man profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all other areas of his life! Putting preconditions and/or setting a non-sensical “goal to be met” before he “gets some” is rarely the way to bring your man closer.
Men are visual.
Even happily married men feel pulled towards either live or recollected images of other women. You can help him visualize “you first” by being slightly unpredictable in a sensual sense. An example might be playfully mussing your hair in that special way. His mind will think about what he saw for hours on end!
In courtship men can be blockheads.
Most men want to be romantic, but many don’t try because they doubt that they can succeed. Sometimes (many times?) they try and fail. When they do try, a positive reaction from you goes a long way to keeping the good relationship going.
Men care about their woman’s appearance.
He needs to see you making an effort to stay healthy and “in shape” and will go to great lengths to help you succeed in this. Forgive his stuttering if you ask him the classic question “does this make me look bigger?” He knows he can never answer this one correctly!
Women need to feel cherished.
Even if your relationship is great, your woman likely has a fundamental insecurity about your love. When that insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you until she feels reassured. Thoughtful, frequent (even small) actions to show you care for her and what she cares about is the key.
Women are emotive.
Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all at the same time. These cannot be easily dismissed. You can help with Compassionate listening (even if it is a never-to-be-understood, “non-logical” thing)
Women want security, in many forms.
Your woman needs financial and emotional security as well as closeness with you. However, she prizes closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it.
Listening!!!
She doesn’t want you to “fix it”, she just wants you to Listen and Care. When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be HEARD are much more important than the problem itself!
Women feeling nonsexual does not mean she doesn't want You!
Inside your smart, secure woman lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful. She Needs to know that you only have eyes for her. Once reassured of that, she is much more likely to desire you fully. If thru actions and words you show you really ‘see’ the beauty of her, this part of life can be very rewarding for both of you.
As elder human beings we are well acquainted with our own personal struggles in terms of experiencing physical pain, fatigue, fear, uncertainty, impatience, helplessness, resignation, loneliness, and many other things that have affected our spirits and marital relationship. With that said, we would in all humility describe our marriage and friendship with each other as fantastically successful.
Here's why!
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From the moment we first spoke it was clear that we each wanted a devoted and committed marriage in the traditional sense. God was in the midst from the get-go! As we began our life together we knew that He was the central focus and He would create in our marriage a higher form of friendship as man and woman. When any storms of life hit us we always went to Him for guidance, help, restoration and ultimately PEACE.
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We had a few fundamentals that we stuck to.
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1. We are to work on ourselves understanding that no matter what was happening our first job was to look at our own internal work to be done. This led to the second point.
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2. The other is God's child and not ours. Therefore, we do not seek to make the other do our bidding. We do not try to change the other. This is God's responsibility and not ours as He is their Father and will do as He wills.
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3. We have refused to EVER become bitter. As we each have sought God His peace has always become a very present reality. Time and patience is a part of learning. Mercy means to allow time for each of us to grow and work through our own challenges. He has never failed us!
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4. This is also true in our relationships with our children. We have certainly guided in the best ways that we knew how, but ultimately even our children must go before God themselves to seek His in their own lives. Yes - they are our earthly children, but in actual reality they are...to be continued.
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