Adam and Eve, along with their children, are the experts in Marriage and Parenting. Their teachings will be thrilling to sit under and glean from their unparalleled tutelage. Until such a time we simply share a bit of information helpful to all.
Men want to be honored.
Men would rather feel alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Being loved is very fulfilling for men but when appreciation is missing the relationship is hollow, even disingenuous from their point of view.
Men are apprehensive.
Despite their ‘in-control’ exteriors, men feel like they are imposters, and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered. Be lovingly patient and low-key if/when an “inadequacy” is recognized or discussed.
Men want to be a mainstay.
If a woman personally earned enough money to support the entire household it would make no difference to the mental burden he feels to provide. He is a hunter-gatherer. Finding a way to recognize and value this nature will show you are aware it is important.
Men want more physical intimacy.
Your sexual desire for your man profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all other areas of his life! Putting preconditions and/or setting a non-sensical “goal to be met” before he “gets some” is rarely the way to bring your man closer.
Men are visual.
Even happily married men feel pulled towards either live or recollected images of other women. You can help him visualize “you first” by being slightly unpredictable in a sensual sense. An example might be playfully mussing your hair in that special way. His mind will think about what he saw for hours on end!
In courtship men can be blockheads.
Most men want to be romantic, but many don’t try because they doubt that they can succeed. Sometimes (many times?) they try and fail. When they do try, a positive reaction from you goes a long way to keeping the good relationship going.
Men care about their woman’s appearance.
He needs to see you making an effort to stay healthy and “in shape” and will go to great lengths to help you succeed in this. Forgive his stuttering if you ask him the classic question “does this make me look bigger?” He knows he can never answer this one correctly!
Women need to feel cherished.
Even if your relationship is great, your woman likely has a fundamental insecurity about your love. When that insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you until she feels reassured. Thoughtful, frequent (even small) actions to show you care for her and what she cares about is the key.
Women are emotive.
Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all at the same time. These cannot be easily dismissed. You can help with Compassionate listening (even if it is a never-to-be-understood, “non-logical” thing)
Women want security, in many forms.
Your woman needs financial and emotional security as well as closeness with you. However, she prizes closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it.
Listening!!!
She doesn’t want you to “fix it”, she just wants you to Listen and Care. When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be HEARD are much more important than the problem itself!
Women feeling nonsexual does not mean she doesn't want You!
Inside your smart, secure woman lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful. She Needs to know that you only have eyes for her. Once reassured of that, she is much more likely to desire you fully. If thru actions and words you show you really ‘see’ the beauty of her, this part of life can be very rewarding for both of you.
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Women think differently from men:
Past, Present and Future all at the same time!
Once men understand this they can communicate more successfully
with the women in their lives [older and younger].
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It's not that men are non-emotional. Men are very emotional, they feel deeply. They express their emotions differently from women. Men are more linear - more logical as they think with focus and singularity - ONE THING AT A TIME. This is one of their strengths. This is why men can accomplish so much more than they even think they can!
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Sometimes, oftentimes, women are mysterious to men. In discussions with their woman they may feel like they cannot follow 'where she is going' and it initially feels IMPOSSIBLE. Too much of this and he may just give up. But he could resist this feeling to instead choose to employ a greater stamina in his mind and KEEP GOING ANYWAY.
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My husband and I use a code phrase when I recognize I am going to totally shift to something else that I need to say. Our secret marital language at this point is, "Bob and weave". When I say that to him he knows exactly what I am doing. He stops. He accepts my need for expression. I wait a minute and give the respect he needs to make his adjustments. I know his love for me will cause him to step into my head-space. With a gorgeous patience he says, "Okay. Got it. Go."...and then I continue on [probably with far too many words...LOL] and he just makes a tiny little smile. He knows. He cares. He cherishes. He loves. He is MAGNIFICENT!
Women may confuse their man because women think and then feel with a synergy incorporating what has happened before - what is happening currently - what may happen in the future. Once a woman recognizes the way her man is thinking and she applies understanding as he speaks his logical/linear thoughts and feelings she can add compassion to the conversation. With patience - slowing herself down - in her responsive communications he feels her recognition of him. When she adds respect and honor to his ideas he feels her love for him. When he listens to her thoughts realizing that she is thinking with past experiences, present encounters and what this may mean for her future he can add to her life a strength of appreciation for her concerns, an awareness of the depths of her fears and he can provide a greater sense of security because she will begin to feel his cherishing for her as he seeks to nurture her feminine heart. This feels like love to her.
NOW - communication becomes more successful. He leads her with his strong, yet gentle, suggestions [maybe waiting until she is finished]. Like water to a growing plant her heart opens up to him as he is listening and this causes her to feel safer. He up-steps his patience! As she feels safe to express even more of what she is thinking and feeling he feels that he has something to provide as he is now 'seeing' the way to protect her heart from the fears that she feels. Over time, in her greater sense of security with him, she opens up more and more.
And this is what he really wants!
Always remember: Mind is bonded to matter. The mind [more spiritual than anything] enlarges over time. The material/physical hands, eyes, body etc...react. The two - male and female - become co-creators with God in pursuit of the lives they choose to create together. Yes. This is the way. With God all of our hopes and dreams, the ones that really matter, ARE POSSIBLE.
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NOW - go be great!
Create your life with the ones you love.
Do this with God in the midst.
You are on your way!
As elder human beings we are well acquainted with our own personal struggles in terms of experiencing physical pain, fatigue, fear, uncertainty, impatience, helplessness, resignation, loneliness, failures and many other things that have affected our spirits and marital relationship. With that said, we would in all humility describe our marriage and friendship with each other as fantastically successful.
Here's why!
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From the moment we first spoke it was clear that we each wanted a devoted marriage in the traditional sense - authenticity, sincerity, no lies and total commitment to a 'one and only' relationship. God was in the midst from the get-go! As we began our life together we knew that He was the central focus and He would create in our marriage a higher form of friendship as man and woman. When any storms of life hit us we always went to Him for guidance, help, restoration and ultimately PEACE.
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We had a few fundamentals that we stuck to.
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1. We are to work on ourselves - understanding that no matter what was happening our first job was to look at our own internal work to be done. This led to the second point.
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2. The other is God's child and not ours. Therefore, we do not seek to make the other do our bidding. We do not try to change the other. This is God's responsibility and not ours as He is their Father and will do as He wills.
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3. We have refused to EVER become bitter. As we each have sought God His peace has always become a very present reality. Time and patience is a part of learning. Mercy means to allow time for each of us to grow and work through our own challenges at our own pace. He has never failed us!
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4. This is also true in our relationships with our children. We have certainly guided in the best ways that we knew how, but ultimately even our children must go before God themselves to seek His will in their own lives. Yes - they are our earthly children, but in actual reality they are His children.
The prayers of parents for their children are powerful INDEED! Even in our disappointments we know full well that in this material first life on our natal planet God gave to all children One mother and One father. This is eternal. This relationship that our Paradise Father has orchestrated is forged forever. What we each do with it is our choice before Him. He sees all. He knows all. He will do as He wills with each one of us. We have time. God is merciful. However - mercy is not endless. Do what is right, true, beautiful and good for those gifts He has given you as parents and as children.
THIS MATTERS!
Machiventa Melchizedek
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A Very Important Issue.
“Even though you have no idea what kind of message will be forthcoming, you trust the Voice who ‘commands’ you to put the fingers to the keyboard. For all you know, this might only be a training exercise, for that is truly what it is. It will be a broadening and intensifying of your listening skills and hopefully entice those who might chance to read this to likewise enrich their minds.
“You simply have no idea how blessed you were to be training yourself, unaware of holding blessed conversations with the Inner Voice from that Gift from God, so lovingly bestowed upon you when you were of a tender age and when you showed a readiness therefore. That you needed ‘off-worldly’ help in order to grow up with a semblance of balance. So many children on this backward planet have a less-than-ideal upbringing from their parents and likewise suffered an uneasy, troubled and insecure childhood!
“Celestial plans are under way to inspire and instill in those willing to listen better ways of living. And the best way to start is to help the little ones survive their childhood while inspiring them to become independent beings with a mind of their own.
“Overseeing this from the celestial realm is no easy task as children when very young and impressionable are already exposed to a variety of electronic gadgets and toys. It would be far better if simple toys were included to help develop the creative part of their brains. They do not need to be entertained by many gadgets. They need peace around them to develop their brains to think.
“Children are born with curiosity and creative abilities. If only you will observe them, you will see what next they will get into with their inventiveness. Their free will can be guided in positive streams of thought, rather than be bombarded with do’s and don’ts. Every human has been gifted with free will and the sooner they learn to use that tremendous gift to choose responsibly, the better choices will be made.
“The “thinking cap” needs to be solidly in place so they will grow up to become responsible adults who have early learned that causes always have an effect. It is mandatory that children learn to think things through before acting or even acting out.
“Much needs to be remedied on this planet and I will suggest that successful responsible parenthood is a school of learning on its own. Ideally there ought to be gatherings of older parents to instruct younger parents in community neighborhoods to help and discuss with younger parents issues and how to handle difficult situations. Parenting classes even before a child is born will prove to be very fruitful. Knowing that there is somewhere a volunteer group to turn to — to know that there is someone to call on.
“Truly, the mental state of the humans on this planet can be exponentially improved when more thought and positive effort is given to the raising of the young ones who represent the future of the planet. What will you teach them? War or Peace?”